Because when you’re hungry you stop caring about your fussiness and just want to satiate your little cravings. So eat up!

So sit down and listen to what they have to say.

Because even if you make a ton of money, you’re going to feel like this on the inside.

Because you don’t want stuff splashing everywhere when you’re trying to wash a damn dish. And when you have lots of dirty dishes, it won’t be impossible to get anything done.

Because you don’t want to look like you have Scoliosis when Mom and I gave you awesome genes. Don’t sully my genes!

It’s better to not like a team or a sport at all, because fair-weather fans are douches. As a long time Philadelphia fan, I can attest to your team breaking your heart. But that is what makes sports great kids. Because when they win, it makes everything worth it. If you just jump from one good team to another good, you have no scruples as a sports fan. And you will like sports in this household.

It’s not the healthiest choice, but if you just want to have a satisfying soup,  go with a cream soup.

Because eventually they will look like a wrinkly catchers mitt. Plus they’ll smell like an ashtray and your mom and I will not approve. Smoking is a terrible habit, nothing good comes from it. The best thing that can happen from it is someone thinks you’re cool. The worst thing? Oh just dying of course. Sounds like that’s not an even payoff.

One thing that’s made well will last longer and give you more satisfaction than a lot of something that is mediocre. For instance, are you going to remember stuffing your face at a buffet? No. But, you will remember eating at a nice restaurant and enjoying a quality meal.

Even if it means eating out less or buying less stuff. This is a case where less is really more.