Keep a camera on hand.
I’ll do my best to put one in your hands at an early age.
But don’t become a camera snob. Nobody likes those.
Rule 7. When ordering pit beef, do not order the turkey.
You generally hear about pit beef and not pit turkey for a reason.
If you are in Baltimore when you are reading this, go to Chaps (if it’s still around then). It’s the best in town.
Rule 6. Get there a little bit early.
You’ll never regret it.* And if you think you might run late, call. People are exorbitantly grateful for this. Plus, it just feels better when you’re early. Trust me.
*(This applies to professional events/meetings) For a party, being early can be annoying to the host, so just be on time.
Rule 5. Pack twice the amount of underwear you think you will need.
It doesn’t take up very much space, and you’ll be grateful when you don’t have to do as much laundry.
Rule 4. Buy decent toilet paper, and change the roll when you finish it.
If your guests are met at the toilet with cheap, rough, low ply toilet paper they’ll remember that you cheaped out in one of the only places it really counts. Of course it’s even worse if they’re in the bathroom and there’s no paper on the roll. If you forget to follow this rule, the following can happen:
Thanks source
Rule 3. When you’re eating at a diner, DO NOT order the lobster, or the steak.
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This really applies to all diners and diner ordering. Diners are a staple of late night eating, drunken eating, and cheap eating. Diner menus are like War and Peace for menus. They are long. They are overwhelming. And like War and Peace, ultimately you might be left unsatisfied if you order the wrong thing.
So remember, Bobby Flay ain’t making you the food in the diner, it’s probably someone who is not a professional chef. So keep that in mind. Order something simple, preferably of the breakfast variety. Or something fried. Or a sandwich, basically anything you would trust an 18 year old to make.
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Rule 2. Match your belt with your shoes.
At least match your brown belt to brown shoes and your black belt to your black shoes.
Rule 1. Learn another language as early as you can.
In fact, learn several. It’s one of the most impressive things you can do.
Pick any languages you want (though Farsi and German will probably have been forced on you by this point). Trust me, you’ll thank us later because it only gets harder to learn them the older you get.
To Our Future Kids
Hi Kids,
Mom and I started this 6 years ago because we have a lot of good ideas that we don’t want you to miss out on just because you aren’t here yet. So, we’re recording our insights here, for later days when our memories fail to recall all the important tidbits we wish we could share with you already.
You might find this hard to believe someday, but at least back when we started this thing we were both exceptionally cool. (Now…not so much…. You try and pay a mortgage and stay hip!)
Love,
Mom and Dad